Question: Does Reading Romance Make You Question Whether You Are Normal?

Posted July 24, 2014 by Carmel in Question / 106 Comments


This week’s question should make my dirty-minded peeps happy (you know who you are! *coughs* Lori… Jennifer… Lexxie…) because you don’t have to come up with creative ways of perverting it. Yes folks, it’s time to talk about fictional vs real life sex.

I’ve pretty much come to terms with the fact that romance in books is NOTHING like RL. First off, if you’re married to a guy who looks like he could have been a model on a PNR cover, then leave my blog. NOW! No, but seriously, sweaty men are not sexy close upβ€”they smell, have belly button lint, and taste like a salt lick. And, don’t even get me started on morning sex! In what world is bad breath, bed head & drool a turn-on?

If you’ve been paying attention, then you know that I absolutely LOVE werewolves, but do I want to sleep with one? Heck no! Because the RL version would probably have hair e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e, smell like a wet dog, and that whole alpha male thing? Yeeeaahhh that totally wouldn’t fly in real life situations. Plus, I don’t really want to date a guy who gets PMS worse than I do! There can only be one bitch in my relationship, and it’s me. LOL

Ooh, remember that thing that happened in chapter 32 of ONE FOOT IN THE GRAVE by Jeaniene Frost? Sorry to burst your bubble, but it would hurt like a MOFO! Fangs are sexy in theory, but in practice… ouchie. And, is immortal stamina really a good thing? I don’t know about you, but who has time for hours of sexcapades, just imagine the chafing! Authors always seem to conveniently omit things like jobs, kids, and responsibilities. You know, those pesky things that we all have, and that are HUGE time sucks?

So no, I’ve never read a love scene and been like ‘hey, I should try that,’ because again, I read about werewolves and vampires. THEY AREN’T REAL.

Does Reading Romance Make You Question Whether You Are Normal?

Carmel Signature

Owner, designer and main blogger behind Rabid Reads. Avid book reader, snowboard bunny, video gamer and Supernatural fan. I love all things paranormal, werewolves especially. Oh, and I’m Canadian, eh!

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106 responses to “Question: Does Reading Romance Make You Question Whether You Are Normal?

  1. *snickers* Hey, I’m a fan of morning after sex, or lazy mornings sex! πŸ˜‰
    But yeah, I don’t think I’d have the stamina for most of the sexcapades that are described on romance/paranormal romance books! And if I have to choose better a werewolf than a vampire, give that they’re supposed to be rather toasty and run a higher temperature than humans, since I’m rather sensitive to cold! πŸ˜‰
    Pili recently posted…First Chapter, First Paragraph #4: Forecast by Rinda Elliott!!

    • Hehe I would definitely choose a were over a vamp for the very reasons you listed, and don’t get me wrong, I like morning sex, just so long as it’s more of a quickie than a marathon.

    • I guess you don’t have to worry about chafing when you’re immortal, and your body heals all injuries instantly, but us poor mortals aren’t so lucky. Thanks for sharing that link. πŸ˜€

  2. LOL Yeah, you’re so right! Just like a love reading about an alpha male but wouldn’t want one in RL, I love reading those steamy scenes but can’t imagine actually participating in them. I knew EXACTLY the scene you were talking about in One Foot in the Grave, Carmel! Love this post! Salt lick…LOL

  3. :)))) I’m not married to anyone, so I get to stay on your blog and keep spamificating it *mwahahahaha*

    Well, I had this one bf… he doesn’t look like a romance cover model, but he has the whole broody, intense, my-heart-is-gonna-stop sexilious vibe… ok, I had 2 of those, come to think of it. 2 out of 4…yes, I don’t do big numbers, but I most definitely do every number in a really big way :))))
    My point here is, they might not have been romance cover models, and I’m totally not a heroine by any stretch of the imagination, but the few hours of sexcapading, the wanting to lick sweat off of him thing, and morning sex were goddamn out of this world amazing πŸ˜€ I mean, making-me-tingle-all-over-just-remembering amazing, ya know?

    I know that I’m not normal :)))) Because what I like in novels, I do have practiced to some degree IRL, as much as it is humanly possible, and I freaking love it πŸ˜€ I might not have fangs, for instance, but I do love to bite and leave marks πŸ˜€ Pushing someone to their limits, provoking, teasing and playing with them until they can’t breathe properly anymore, all of it… πŸ˜€

    I think if you’re really into that person, and into what’s going on, and you just let your wild side take over (admittedly some of us have a way wilder side, lol), while it might not be romance-novel-page per se, it is gonna be every bit as intense, memorable, and freaking heart-stopping.

    If it’s not, I will admit I lose interest in that person, which again, I don’t think is normal. But if we’re not talking fireworks and insanity and positively obsessive need, then let’s just be friends, you know?
    So in a way, it is novel-like, in that after the fireworks are out, I’m kind of out too. You don’t really see many paranormal romances revolving around having kids (highly unappealing prospect, if you ask me…I like some kids, I’m just not a fan of sprouting them myself) and doing the dishes and watching the man scratch his belly while watching football, right? I’m not interested in any of that, tbh…:))) Give me passion and need, or give me space, I guess. All about the fascination phase, I guess, really not into the “after” thing… yes, I have issues, I know, I know…

    *notices everyone staring* Whaaaaaaaat?…
    Livia recently posted…A Native’s Tongue by Michael D. Dennis Excerpt

    • Here you are trying to make the world a better place by blogging about being happy in the workplace while I’m talking about fictional sex. LOL It made you smile though, so I consider it as having done my part. πŸ™‚

  4. *dies* This is the greatest post ever Carmel, I LOVE IT!!!! I couldn’t agree more – morning sex? No. People need to brush their teeth first. And hours and hours of sex? Also no. I don’t have that kind of time, and like you said, chafing. Ow.

    In real life, the sexy things to me are not the ripped abs (my husband doesn’t have them, but bless him anyway) or the soul-drugging kisses (what?), but the things like him bringing me home hot chocolate on a cold day. Or actually taking his clothes into the laundry room instead of leaving them at the base of the stairs for me to pick up. THAT’S SEXY DAMMIT!

    • I agree, it’s the little things that count! It’s important to make time for each other, but the sex doesn’t always have to be off the charts good.

  5. Berls from Fantasy is More  

    Oh man I’m LMAO right now! And, yeah, I totally know what you’re talking about from One Foot in the Grave – sexy to read, but hell no! The only boyfriend I’ve ever had that looks like those cover models was actually just an adorable dork when I dated him. Now he’s this muscular model hottie. Oh and did I mention gay? LOL I’ll take my BF with his little tummy (complete with lint), even if there’s no way in hell I’d want to even consider trying what I read in books with him. Awesome post Carmel!
    Berls recently posted…Life of a Blogger | Quirks

  6. Carmel, first of all, I’m so proud to be one of your perverted peeps!! Thank you *winks*

    I was laughing the whole time I was reading your post, because you are so right! Even in the non-paranormal stories I read that involve some (OK, a LOT) of sex are quite unbelievable if you really think about it! First of all the men are always huge and that just sounds like a lot of hurt to me. And most of the time, the women are virgins when they meet Mr. Man, too. Hello, book, we’re not all virgins, you know! After 24 years with my man, and four kids, I sometimes relish the stories where the female character has at least a little bit of sexual experience at the start. I even wrote a discussion post about this a while ago, because it’s so backwards that the woman has to be sexually ‘pure’ in our date and time.

    And don’t even get me started on the weres and vampires I would never want in my bed for real, but who are oh, so sexy in stories *grins* yup, they know what they’re doing and all, but in RL I’m quite happy with Mr. Lex, you know. And even if he doesn’t look exactly like a PNR cover, he is quite hot πŸ˜‰

    Excellent theme this week, Carmel! I love it.
    Lexxie recently posted…Review: Rules of Survival – Jus Accardo

    • Exactly! You don’t marry the alpha male! That’s why they are called fictional crushes. They are fun to fantasize about, but I would NEVER trade # 1 in for a werewolf.

  7. I am DYINGGGGGGGGGGG here, Carmel. You’re hilarious. But seriously morning sex in books has always weirded me out a little because I keep on imagining all the bad breath. *shudders* like how do you want to make out with someone when they’re mouth smells funny and there may be possible drool… I don’t even know.

    That’s actually the one reason I am not particularly fond of alpha males because they may be hot but in real life… I would be throwing shoes at their faces if they acted like that πŸ˜›

    FANTASTIC discussion post, Carmel!!! πŸ˜€
    Rashika recently posted…Potato Podcast #3: The Art of Commenting

  8. Mogsy from BiblioSanctum  

    Haha, fantasy is fantasy! There are a lot of things that probably won’t work very well in real life…PNR sex is definitely one of them. I don’t think the fact I read it and like it makes me question if I’m normal, heck I think the fact we know the distinction means we ARE normal! πŸ˜€
    Mogsy recently posted…Tough Traveling: Practice/Combat Rings

  9. Gawd what a timely topic… I was just thinking how much I like book sex over the real thing. πŸ˜› When it’s over I don’t have to get up and clean up! No waiting until the 4 year old and 14 year old are either asleep or distracted! The heroine never has to tell the hero “baby that’s not the hole you’re looking for” as he blindly jabs her backdoor in his excitement about finally getting some. Nope. Book sex rocks. lol

    But then again… depending on the genre… sometimes it’s pretty WTF too. I was never into Chapter 32 and kinda wanted to snark on it every time I saw someone raving about it even though I kinda like biting IRL. πŸ˜‰
    Rhianna recently posted…Release Day: FIRE SPELL by T.A. Foster [+ giveaway!]

  10. I hear ya, I think that RL is nothing like our romance reads. I question sex after working out, hot sweaty and gross. right there with you on morning sex and kissing… yuck and yeah all the licking and biting and such… no thanks. Yes, I remember that scene in One Foot and it was way over the top. Who wants to burned by candle wax and bitten? My other favorite is virgins having the most amazing sex the first time…..
    Heidi recently posted…How To Marry a Cowboy by Carolyn Brown: Guest Post, Review and Giveaway

  11. I’ll be honest. My mom thinks I’m abnormal for hating Nonfiction.

    Me: I avoid romance… especially when 2 characters are going at it in the first book. There is something remotely wrong with that if they just met. >_<

    Unfortunately, real life tends to be different from reading. Books are happily ever after usually. Anyhoo… I suppose it's normal unless you think being burnt by candle wax is absolutely awesome. O_O
    Sophia recently posted…Authors & Aspiring Writers: Why Proper Editing Matters – A Rant

  12. Mel

    Haha, those morning sex scenes always make me feel awkward, because if there is one time on the day I don’t feel sexy, it’s after waking up. Indeed, how do they survive that smelly breath? I think there are a lot of things romantic-wise that work in books, but not in real life.
    Mel recently posted…Fairytale News 39. Spoilers (2).

  13. LMOA – Carmel! What an awesome and fun post. I’ve highlighted several sayings in here that I loved, but won’t go crazy with them all. So thankful I had no coffee nor soda in my mouth, or else I would have spit it all over my screen. Seriously *giggles turning to snorts*

    “Sweaty men are not sexy close upβ€”they smell, have belly button lint, and taste like a salt lick.”


    “I don’t really want to date a guy who gets PMS worse than I do! There can only be one bitch in my relationship, and it’s me.”

    It’s funny when others (non-paranormal readers) ask what you read, and when you reply with Paranormals / romance – they’re roll their eyes and ask “Do you really like that kinda of stuff?” Are they referring to the book’s writing or the sex in them. Yes, all of secretly have vampires and werewolves that we go home πŸ˜‰

  14. Best post I’ve read today, hands down lol! Hmmmm, after being married for over 10 years, the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy was well received by both of us πŸ˜‰ That’s all you’re going to get from me hehe.
    Finley Jayne recently posted…My Photo Shoot Pictures!

  15. BF totally looks like that! Well to me he does πŸ™‚ Sure he has lint in his belly button, really hairy legs (he is totally part were-wolf), the hair has started to thin on top. He has this weird icky birthmark beneath his hair. But to me, I’d lick his sweaty neck any day, yum
    blodeuedd recently posted…Blood Song – Anthony Ryan

  16. Nereyda from Mostly YA Book  

    I love you for writing this post!
    Sex in books is such a pet peeve of mine, I even ranted about it in a post. Most of the time it’s either too cheesy or not realistic at all!
    Sex after working out? Ewwww! At least shower first, even better, have sex in the shower.
    Morning sex is so disgusting. I dont mind in IRL as long as I can pee and brush my teeth first because ow, bladder full! And tongue kisses in the morning make me gag when I read about them.
    Then of course, they always have crazy wild sex like 8 times in a row (Wallbanger anyone?) and instead of thinking, that’s sexy, I can’t help but thinking ‘ow!’ Honey are you okay? Can you walk? Do you need some ice or warning pads? Especially if the guys are ALWAYS majorly hung. (who isn’t in books?)
    I always get excited when I find good, realistic and sexy sex scenes πŸ™‚
    Nereyda recently posted…Review: Beautiful Oblivion by Jamie McGuire!

  17. Lorelle Page ( from LorellePage)  

    I don’t know where to begin…I guess extreme romance has me dragging the book back to reality, rather than escaping it. I tend to shy away from romances now because I am too cynical. I guess at least with paranormal books you can expect a bit of extreme behaviour, but when I see this sort of thing in straight romances, I can’t deal at all. I don’t know what it says about me. Why is she so special? What’s wrong with me that no one has loved me like that?
    Lorelle Page ( recently posted…Romance and non-romance readers unite – is there a happy medium?

  18. Hahahahaha! This was hilarious! I know what you mean about morning sex, though… it’s a good thing when I’ve done it, we didn’t have to kiss or anything, not that I don’t want to smell his, but I’m conscious about mine! And yes about werewolves. I don’t ever want to have sex with them, like, ever, because for the reasons that you made and I guess I fear for my life, too? And I know what wet dog smells like and I honestly don’t want to go all rompy with that smell in the atmosphere. Or vampires! They’re frigging cold to the touch! They’re, in a way, undead! I’m uncertain they can still go erect when technically, their blood down there shouldn’t be pumping…
    Faye recently posted…Potato Podcast #3: The Art of Commenting

  19. Jennifer from The Book Nympho  

    I’m totally normal….. but it makes me wonder why my DH is not normal. I mean come on. He should want to do it ….

    On the bed, on the floor
    On a towel by the door
    In the tub, in the car
    Up against the mini-bar

    All the time and for hours and hours.

    I know I would let him with is fur and fangs all day long….

    Oh wait I got caught up in a romance book fantasy and flashbacks to “I’m Fucking Matt Damon” song.
    Jennifer recently posted…Welcoming Back Brenda Novak & Giveaway

  20. Jennifer from The Book Nympho  

    One thing I really hate in romances, PNR or not is when the dude licks his fingers like they’re a freaking lollipop after fingering the chick. Ewww!!! And who after 20 fingers chicks? Really?!

    I guess if they all had dongs the size of a freaking horse they would have to, to get her ready but crap really? Where’s the 6 size dudes out there?

    Well it is fiction mostly written by women for women. No body wants to read about the little dicks that only last 2 minutes.
    Jennifer recently posted…Welcoming Back Brenda Novak & Giveaway

  21. Oh, guys you’ve got me in stitches!!! I have first read your post and then I went through comments and you all are hilarious! Yes about morning sex, first teeth brushing! It always comes first. But lol at werewolves, and all the hair! SO TRUE. I do second someone who said about the size and girls being virgins. BUT ALWAYS! Great post, Carmel πŸ™‚
    Tanja recently posted…Cover Reveal: Fire in the Woods by Jennifer M. Eaton

  22. “Ooh, remember that thing that happened in chapter 32 of ONE FOOT IN THE GRAVE”<------LMAO. And as much as I love werewolves, I do NOT love wet dogs, and yeah, that's probably what they'd smell like, and I'm totally with Lisa about vamps . . . corpse-like body temp would be SO friggin' creepy. *shudders*

  23. I was just talking to someone on Twitter about sweaty guys and the whole – smells like uniquely male thing.

    I don’t let my husband anywhere near me after he works out. It’s disgusting. Does anyone really like having stinky sweaty guys near them?? Looking at them flexing in a gym from afar maybe. But hit the showers dude before you touch me!

  24. Best post EVER!!! I couldn’t stop laughing because it’s spot on!!! And I know that first thing in the morning…I’m like the dragon lady. *snickers* And I really don’t care that I just shared that. Nope. This post is too dang funny!!! Thank you for making my Sunday! πŸ˜‰

  25. I’ll keep my sex scenes in my books. I still like to read them if they are good or just make you connect better with what is going on. Writing about sex is a gift and not every romance author has it but some get it just right.
    Plus it can be fun to try some of those things in real life. Maybe not all in one night but spread out over time. Can’t pull every trick out of the bag from the start πŸ™‚
    Alexa recently posted…Foreplay

  26. Oh yeah, I’m firmly aware of what’s real life and what’s fantasy. I am FASCINATED by this mysterious sex scene in the Jeanine Frost book, though. I’d better get on it–though I swear, between you and Jessica, I’ll never have time to read the books I’m supposed to be reading!
    Wendy Darling recently posted…Silver Shadows: review