Bookfessional: Worst. Books. EVER.

I KNOW. On Wednesday, I told you I’d be reviewing THE QUEENS OF INNIS LEAR by Tessa Gratton today, I know. But yesterday was unexpectedly shot, so here we are. Next week, definitely. Probably. *does not make eye contact*

In the meantime, I’m feeling ornery, so I thought that rather than chronicling the Best Books EVER (according to me), I’d make a list of the books that gave me the strongest urge to do violence. ALSO, people seem to prefer negative reviews to positive, so (hopefully) it’ll be fun for you too.

I’ve already reviewed all but one of these books, so I’m only summarizing how they earned the dubious honor of being the most hated books in my library, but the titles link to the full review, if you want more detail.

I Hate These Books:

10. Wickedly Magical by Deborah Blake

I snagged this prequel with high hopes for the forthcoming first installment of the new urban fantasy series.

That hope was dashed.

I was told one thing then shown something else entirely (more than once), the melodrama wasn’t just OTT, it was cliché as hell, and the background given on the Bad Guy seemed fabricated to make me feel sorry for him when his actions were inexcusable.

9. The Curse Keepers by Denise Grover Swank

The heroine in this one was a gold digger wishing for her knight sugar daddy on a white horse. *flares nostrils* Also, the love interest wasn’t an alphahole, he was just an ass.

8. Lailah by Nikki Kelly

*giggle snorts*

The only reason this one is so high up the list is b/c beyond the ridiculous story and wacky word choices, it wasn’t offensive. But it was truly awful, and I will never forget the Bad Guy raising a lock of MC’s hair to his “orifices” for a good sniff.

7. The Shattered Court by M.J. Scott

This one turned one of my all-time favorite couples (the MCs were blatantly based on Lan and Nynaeve from WoT) into a horrible parody of themselves.

6. Lamp Black, Wolf Grey by Paula Brackston

Paula Brackston had been on my authors-to-check-out list forever, so I jumped at the chance to read LBWG for review . . . And wasted a day at the beach reading it. *flares nostrils*

Basically the MC cheats on her husband, and the ongoing affair is the root cause of all kinds of Bad Things that happen, like the disappearance of her bff’s child(ren?—it’s been awhile, so I don’t recall the specifics, b/c never got around to reviewing it), but she ultimately avoids any repercussions b/c bitch was luckier than could be countenanced.

ALSO, she showed no remorse. #killitwithFIRE

5. The Wicked We Have Done by Sarah Harian

In this near future dystopian tale, the MC shoots up her college campus, but we’re meant to think it’s not her fault b/c the “real” villain was holding one of her friends hostage and “made” her do it. #icallbullshit

I would like to point out, that unlike so many others, I NEVER bought this line of thought even before the escalation of gun violence in schools.

4. Mark of the Demon by Diana Rowland

This might be the worst urban fantasy novel I’ve ever read. Its offenses are too numerous to list (again), but suffice it say that the MC was, by herself, a whole grab bag of obnoxious female stereotypes.

3. The Bird and the Sword by Amy Harmon

And now we’re getting into the books that everyone else inexplicably loves while I hate, loathe, despise, and abominate them.

Despite being told from the heroine’s POV, a multitude of transparent plot points continually escaped her. Then there was the inexplicable inclusion of THE ART OF WAR in a fantasy world wholly unconnected to the world in which said book exists, which combined with the author’s painful lack of knowledge regarding its content made me want to break shit. Like her spirit.

2. Red Queen by Victoria Aveyard

Ye gods, this book was awful. The heroine . . . She might be my #1 most detested MC ever. She’s as flighty as a boy crazy preteen, refuses to take responsibility for her actions, and is the quintessential narcissist.

Also, she juggles brothers, and that is so tacky.

1. Winter by Marissa Meyer

I will be the first to admit that the intensity of my hatred for this book might stem from my love of the prior installments—pre-WINTER, Marissa Meyer’s LUNAR CHRONICLES was one of my favorite YA series.

Then she ruined it all by reducing the Good Guys to the equivalent of Mean Girls.

I mean, really? Why waste time developing a clever plan to thwart evil when you can humiliate the Bad Guy by exposing the scars of her childhood trauma? Why bother finding a way to exploit her megalomania, when it’s so much easier to reveal her physical ugliness and rely on the resulting breakdown to give you an edge? *throws head back and shrieks with rage*

Do you see why these books provoked me to the point of violence?

What about you? What are some of the worst books you’ve read? Have you read any of these? If you have, do you agree or disagree with my assessment?

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