This week’s question should make my dirty-minded peeps happy (you know who you are! *coughs* Lori… Jennifer… Lexxie…) because you don’t have to come up with creative ways of perverting it. Yes folks, it’s time to talk about fictional vs real life sex.
I’ve pretty much come to terms with the fact that romance in books is NOTHING like RL. First off, if you’re married to a guy who looks like he could have been a model on a PNR cover, then leave my blog. NOW! No, but seriously, sweaty men are not sexy close up—they smell, have belly button lint, and taste like a salt lick. And, don’t even get me started on morning sex! In what world is bad breath, bed head & drool a turn-on?
If you’ve been paying attention, then you know that I absolutely LOVE werewolves, but do I want to sleep with one? Heck no! Because the RL version would probably have hair e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e, smell like a wet dog, and that whole alpha male thing? Yeeeaahhh that totally wouldn’t fly in real life situations. Plus, I don’t really want to date a guy who gets PMS worse than I do! There can only be one bitch in my relationship, and it’s me. LOL
Ooh, remember that thing that happened in chapter 32 of ONE FOOT IN THE GRAVE by Jeaniene Frost? Sorry to burst your bubble, but it would hurt like a MOFO! Fangs are sexy in theory, but in practice… ouchie. And, is immortal stamina really a good thing? I don’t know about you, but who has time for hours of sexcapades, just imagine the chafing! Authors always seem to conveniently omit things like jobs, kids, and responsibilities. You know, those pesky things that we all have, and that are HUGE time sucks?
So no, I’ve never read a love scene and been like ‘hey, I should try that,’ because again, I read about werewolves and vampires. THEY AREN’T REAL.